


and her and he...are love??

by silentlypunk



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, M/M, They’re best friends, but not in the way you think, i love shirofuku yukie, no angst i promise, stupid pining boy lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:02:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24044068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentlypunk/pseuds/silentlypunk
Summary: Akaashi went for a coffee and a peace of mind. He left with a heart palpitations and a dizzy brain.(Alternatively: Stop jumping to drastic conclusions, you overdramatic gay mess.)
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 12
Kudos: 150





	and her and he...are love??

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at some point before bed and i laughed a lot while writing it so i’m posting this and i hope you laugh too
> 
> please enjoy :)
> 
> edit: i should mention the title is from halsey’s Alanis’ Interlude

Akaashi Keiji, 16, on a bright Sunday afternoon, relaxing at one of his favourite downtown cafes with a book and a coffee, away from his rabble of sisters and procrastinating on his homework, thinking idly about extra practices and national interhigh matches and about his dumb captain, completely resigned to his dumb crush and nearly falling out of his chair when he appeared in front of the cafe.

He seemed to be beckoning to someone out of sight.

Akaashi held his book up in front of his face and peeked.

Bokuto was saying something, pointing at one of the signs on the window, talking to someone just out of sight, _was he pointing at the damned couple’s discount poster?????_

Akaashi’s eyes glazed over temporarily, _nonono that can’t be I’m probably mistaken,_ and then the customer bell chimed and so did Bokuto’s voice saying brightly, “Table for two please!”

Akaashi nearly knocked his coffee off the table.

He looked nice. He usually either looked cool and dependable or like a complete fucking idiot. The denim jacket was nice on him, fitting around his shoulders. The grey t-shirt he had on under it looked really soft. There was a silver ring hanging from a brown cord. Akaashi did not know anyone else who could pull off yellow joggers the way Bokuto did, the way it curved in all the right places and showed a bit of ankle. Akaashi did not know anyone like Bokuto.

Akaashi did not know that he and Shirofuku were going out.

Shirofuku also looked nice. The pink jumper was really cute. Her chocolate skirt was really fitting. White was a risky colour, especially around Bokuto, but it went well with the jumper as a cardigan. The way her hand was in the crook of his elbow looked like every single romance flick ever, and that simple hand had shattered Akaashi’s heart into a million pieces.

Bokuto whispered something to her, quiet and cheeky, and Shirofuku whispered something back with a smile.

Akaashi had the strong urge to dispose of their capable manager immediately.

The waiter reappeared, holding menus and a leaflet with a heart stencil, and seated the two behind a plant so conveniently placed that Akaashi could see them but they couldn’t see him. Which was just as well, because apart from the dramatic ache in his chest, his head was throbbing with confusion.

_Since when???_

_I didn’t think Shirofuku-san fell into the manager/captain stereotype???_

_Do the others know?????? Sure, Bokuto-san calls her Yukippe, but he gives everyone nicknames..._

**_Since when????_ **

If glares had power, Akaashi would have drilled holes into Bokuto’s (very nice) back.

Akaashi envisaged a team coming-out, dramatic and cute, with roses and volleyballs and body contact and too much blushing. He saw himself, stoically congratulating the couple before locking himself away to shed sad tears about it.

Actually, scratch that, he was about to cry in public for the first time since he was 7.

It was a bit weird, though. Unlike the football team’s captain and their manager, they didn’t really have that sort of vibe. Everyone could tell, even if they hadn’t officially told the world they were together. She would gently wipe the sweat off his face with her handkerchief after practice. He would harden his mouth every time she got a confession letter after school, taking her bags and brusquely walking her home. They were basically a celebrity couple at Fukurodani at this point.

Meanwhile, everyone and their mother had witnessed, at least once, Shirofuku tearing through the halls at lunch and shouting at Bokuto to give her notes back already, or the pen she’d lent him that morning, or the money she’d lent him to buy breakfast with, while Bokuto sprinted away with his hands over his ears and yelled back excuses and apologies and eventually Shirofuku would nail him in the head with something she’d thrown at him and they’d end up making a huge racket. A teacher had been called once. She had gotten away scot free. He had pouted about it for the rest of the day with angry looks at their smirking manager.

(Arms around his neck, hot breath on his shoulder. The smell of sweat and tangy lemon deodorant. His voice, loud, petulant, obnoxious.

“Akaaaaaashheee!! I’m not a troublemaker!”)

_Now that I think of it, Shirofuku-san seems to have a lot of leverage over Bokuto-san..._

_Is this...an abusive relationship????_

Akaashi balled his fist righteously. Heartbroken or not, Bokuto was still a good friend and respected senpai of his, and he could not let such a thing slide.

He peeked through the plant. They weren’t acting very differently. Bokuto talked about that new TV drama that was on, _Yukippe, it’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen and it’s so funny you have to watch it,_ and Shirofuku said _Sure thing, I’ll watch it in the background the next time you come over to work on your sciences_ , and Bokuto slumped and said _geh I changed my mind_ and Shirofuku laughed at the way he’d balked at the mention of schoolwork.

Perhaps making Bokuto do schoolwork was a bit sadistic, but it had to be done, so it didn’t count.

(In the first place, Akaashi had done the same before.)

Even if they weren’t acting differently, the image of Shirofuku’s hand tucked in the crook of Bokuto’s elbow had been seared affirmatively into Akaashi’s mind.

After a second cup of coffee (which tasted like ash because he was so sad) Akaashi finally decided to go say hi and reassure them that he wasn’t going to blow their cover. Except he didn’t, because he neared their table and then veered away into the restroom, like a coward.

Shirofuku saw him just as he was about to turn the knob.

“Akaashi?”

Akaashi froze.

“Akaashi?” The second voice piped up, and Akaashi cursed the high heavens for his existence. “Hey! What’re the odds?”

Akaashi turned around and slowly marched to his demise.

“Hello, Shirofuku-san. Bokuto-san,” he said, twisting his stiff fingers behind his back. He should have, at least, checked his outfit beforehand. Was there coffee on his shirt? He should’ve done up the top button, the white jeans were a bit dangerous, maybe a grey hoodie didn’t go with a navy shirt. Did he comb his hair that morning? He couldn’t remember.

All his thoughts dissolved when Bokuto grinned at him. “Hey, you look nice! Except for your face right now, looks like you tasted something bad.”

“Bokuto, that was so rude!” Shirofuku glanced at him, reassuring. “You always look nice, Akaashi. But are you feeling well?”

Akaashi’s mouth was made of sand. “I. I’m fine.”

Bokuto squinted at him. “Are you sure?”

“Um. Yes.”

“I’m surprised we didn’t notice you earlier,” Shirofuku commented. She looked around curiously. “Are you here with someone?”

“No,” Akaashi said, his mouth still sour. “I’ve just- been reading. Behind you guys. I didn’t want to interrupt.”

Bokuto looked confused. “Interrupt what?”

 _What a particular brand of torture_ , Akaashi wept internally. He kept his face as neutral as he could, pointed at the inconspicuous heart leaflet and said, “Is this- Isn’t this a date?”

There was a beat of awkward confusion before Shirofuku spat out her mouthful of food in the most undignified way Akaashi had ever seen.

“Oh lord,” she gasped, and started laughing. Akaashi wasn’t sure if it was better or worse that Bokuto was trying to hide his laughing by hiding behind the collar of his jacket.

“Oh no,” Shirofuku wheezed out, halfway to her deathbed. “No, Akaashi, no, oh my- Bokuto, you tell him, go into the bathroom and tell him, go—”

“Okay,” Bokuto said with a grin, then promptly stood up, grabbed Akaashi’s wrist, and yanked him into the men’s bathroom.

 _And then there were two._ Akaashi glanced at the empty stalls around them, bewildered and a little annoyed, but still mostly reeling from heartbreak.

“Bokuto-san, what—?”

Bokuto was apparently dying, beating the counter weakly and laughing without a sound save his gasps for air. “We’re- We’re not,” he said, or tried to, since he was still preoccupied with laughing. “Yukippe and I aren’t- oh my god Akaashi you’re killing me, you’ve killed me, I’m crying real tears here—”

In his mind, Akaashi had already grabbed him by the collar and slapped him across the face. _I’m gonna cry real tears if you don’t explain it properly!_ “I watched you guys walk in,” he said, by way of explanation. He glanced quickly at the mirror; there weren’t any weird stains on his clothes. “What am I missing?”

“A lotta places do couples’ discounts on weekends.” Bokuto pulled out his phone. “We always go round pretending to get the discounts, there’s gotta be at least 7 food places around here that have our picture on the couples’ wall, look—”

Akaashi looked.

Bokuto with his arm around Shirofuku’s waist.

Shirofuku hanging off of his shoulder.

Both of them peace signing at the camera.

Posed like the Titanic.

Mid-shot as Shirofuku was saying something and poking his cheek.

Bokuto making a weird face at the camera, his head resting on top of Shirofuku’s.

Et cetera.

_We always go round pretending._

“So you’re NOT on a date,” Akaashi said, his heartbeat revived at a slow but hopeful pace. “You’re pretending to be on a date to get a discount.”

“Yeah,” Bokuto affirmed. He was still trying not to laugh. “The rest of the team always rags on us for doin’ it, but it saves money! And we get to eat nice things!”

“I see,” Akaashi said, and breathed a quiet sigh of immense relief.

It wasn’t as quiet as he’d hoped it would be, because Bokuto proceeded to get in his personal space very tauntingly. “Were you concerned, Akaaaashi? Is that why you looked weird? Was it ‘cause you got jealous? Ooh who were you jealous of, me or Yukippe? Who do you have a crush on? Tons of people like Yukippe, you know, I’m not surprised, is it _me_ , do you have a crush on the great ace? I wouldn’t mind, you know, it’s not that surprising—”

All the while, mindlessly taunting, Akaashi backed away, away from the way Bokuto loomed across him, broad and confident, backing away so quickly that he didn’t realise he was out of back-away space until he hit the wall. At which point Akaashi’s heart had completely revived and was hammering away so violently that it was on the edge of a second failure and he wouldn’t be surprised if Bokuto could _hear_ —

“Nothing of the sort,” Akaashi cut off as fiercely as he could. When did Bokuto being 3cm taller suddenly seem so much taller?? Or had Akaashi shrunk? His eyes were level with the point of Bokuto’s nose, so he crossed his arms tightly and looked away, hoping against hope that his skin was dark enough that the blush was not so apparent. “I was merely worried about team dynamics. That’s all.”

“Yeah, sure, sure, always the analyst.” Bokuto grinned. His hand was warm, ruffling the top of his head. Akaashi could _not_ remember if he had brushed his hair that morning. “Just kidding, ‘Kaashii.”

He’d backed off as quickly as he’d pressed close; Akaashi tentatively pressed his fingers to the racing pulse on his wrist. Bokuto squinted in the mirror and shrugged, running one hand through his hair. “You won’t tell, will you?”

“That you’re pretending to be in a relationship to get a discount?”

“Yeah.” His eyes were so round, but his gaze was always so sharp.

“No, Bokuto-san. I won’t tell.”

“You’re the best! C’mon, let’s go see if Yukippe’s done laughing yet.”

She was, in fact, done laughing.

“Don’t mind,” she said, reaching up to pat Akaashi’s arm. “The whole point is for people to think that anyway.”

“ _Yukippe did you steal from my plate._ ”

“I’m going back to my book,” Akaashi said, and backed away to sit down. His legs were on the verge of collapse.

When he asked for the bill, the waitress gestured to Shirofuku and said, “Don’t worry, she’s already paid it off. Said sorry for giving you a fright.”

“I see,” Akaashi said, blankly. “Thank you.”

Bokuto waved goodbye at him as he left the cafe.

-

“Yeah, there was this one time Yukippe and I were doin our couples’ discount schtick, and Keiji saw, he looked like he was about to cry—”

Akaashi calmly shoves his hand into Bokuto’s face. “I wasn’t.”

Konoha rubs his eyes and sighs. “Look, I wasn’t even there but you probably were—”

“I wasn’t,” Akaashi repeats fiercely.

“See, this is how I knew you were.” Bokuto pushes his hand away. “You sound exactly the same as you did in the bathroom when you said you weren’t jealous.”

“I don’t,” Akaashi hisses, and glares at him. Bokuto smiles and pats his cheek. “Bokuto-san—”

“Drop the act, Akaashi,” Konoha sighs. Akaashi doesn’t have enough eyes to glare at two people at once, so he simply flips him off and keeps glaring at his laughing boyfriend.

“You’re all so horrible to me,” Akaashi says. “Just because I’m the kouhai—”

“That’s not why, you’re just fun to tease,” Shirofuku hums, leaning forward with her straw in her mouth. “Local heartbreaker Akaashi Keiji falls head-over-heels for brainless ace—”

“ _Shirofuku-san_.”

Bokuto crushes him in a hug, and Akaashi relents to being laughed at with the price of feeling it shuddering through Bokuto’s chest.

“I didn’t have a crush,” he still insists.

“Sure thing, Keiji.” Bokuto presses a kiss to the top of his head. Akaashi folds his arms petulantly. “I totally believe you.”

**Author's Note:**

> normalise m/f friendships without any other extras tagged onto it!!!
> 
> thank you for reading and do leave kudos and comments as you see fit ^^ 
> 
> my twitter is [here](https://twitter.com/silentlypunk_?s=20) for more writing/fan tidbits :)


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